Baked Cookies: A Story Told in Three Perspectives

I stood outside the burning house swaying in the wind. Sweat gathered in my brow, slowly sliding down the side of my face. I watched absentmindedly as the cops and firefighters rushed around my property. I tried to get my thoughts in order, replaying the events in my head. I knew I had some explaining to do.

I started drinking. Early. Vodka, cheap stuff you get on the bottom shelf of the shadiest liquor stores in town. I smoked some weed too, but I don’t think there is really need to share that tidbit with the police. I wanted cookies so I decided to make some cookies.

I remember, now, where it all went wrong. I tried baking them in the George Foremen Grill. I guess a neighbor dialed 911 when they saw the smoke billowing from my house. When the firefighters banged on my door, my response was to open the door slightly and apologize to them.

You think this is a good idea. No. You know it is. You’ve been drinking all day, it’s your day off man, why not. You’ve smoked a little bit of marijuana, and now you want something sweet to go with it. Go for you, you deserve it.

You remember that you have some cookie dough in the freezer. No need to thaw it. Just throw it on the Foreman grill. You’ll be fine. Ignore the smoke coming off the grill; that just means that it’s working.

By the time you realize you’re in trouble, it’s too late. You try to whip the fire out with a dish towel, but you are too intoxicated for the task. You turn to the door when you hear banging. You open the door to see a firefighter.

“I’m sorry about the mess.” You say and close the door. Before you realize what is happening, you are being dragged out of the house by the firemen.

Florida Man put the bong down by the sink and coughed out a puff of smoke. He was blurry eyed and nauseous. He picked up the bottle of vodka that he had been drinking from and chugged down a huge swallow.

He began to rummage through the pantry, he was drunk, high, and hungry. He found a bag of potato chip, half empty and opened. The chips were stale. Florida Man was craving something sweet.

“Cookies.” Florida Man said. “I want some cookies.”

He pulled the cookie dough out of the freezer considered the oven. He decided that it would take too long to bake in the oven so he plugged in the George Foreman Grill, thinking this would cook them quicker. 

Later Florida Man stood outside his home explaining what happened to police.